Saturday, 16 May 2015

what were they thinking?

In Calamity Jena, the heroine takes on a massive DIY project, having never done DIY before, and surprisingly does pretty well! While I was researching this book, I found that DIY disaster falls into two main categories - bathrooms and blokes. So here, for your viewing pleasure, are both! :D

Bathrooms

Have a really small bathroom? No worries. Save space by putting the toilet IN the shower!
Seriously? What could I say?
I don't even know how they managed this one.
So near...
so far...
for a cosy visit to the toilet
still trying to work out the logistics of this one.
And it leaves a convenient hole in the door once its shut for you to...talk through???



 Blokes 

(or as I like to call it - why women live longer than men...)




"Think of the money I saved on scaffolding..." Yep, he can use it all on his hospital bill!


and they say two minds are better than one!

at least it shows determination!

my husband has done this - twice!


Enjoying their last moments on earth!

And then there are is the random evidence that bad DIY decisions can happen anytime, anywhere...

Big Brother is watching who?

Wondering at what point in the building process they realised there was a problem.
When the ironwork went up? When the glazier arrived? The painter, perhaps???

This bank is a tease. "We have your money. We dare you to get it!"

So when you want full beam do you get out the car and switch on each flashlight?
Lastly, when all else fails - use duct tape!

"no one will ever notice..."

For someone who's reversed into her mailbox five times, this tip comes in handy.
I'm sure my husband won't spot the difference!

Safe as houses

Fly MacGyver air

No one will EVER be able to break into this cash machine

That's it for the random and stupid for now!





Friday, 8 May 2015

new Invertary book giveaway

Just a quick note to let you know that I'm giving away 5 copies of my upcoming Invertary book, Calamity Jena. Enter the draw on Goodreads for a chance to win one. Good luck! :)

 click to go to goodreads

Calamity Jena will be available from the 16th June, but you can order a copy now from Amazon. 


Thursday, 7 May 2015

Calamity Jena pre-order is live!


Just a quick post to let you know that...

 click to go to amazon's Calamity Jena page

Invertary book 4, Calamity Jena 
is now available to pre-order on Amazon

Here's the blurb:

Jena Morgan, Atlantic City’s favorite go-go dancer, may have overreacted when she found her boyfriend balls deep in a stripper called Candy. Instead of washing her eyeballs with bleach, she drank a bottle of tequila and bought a house off the internet. A house far away from her cheating, criminal of an ex-boyfriend. A house in Scotland. As soon as she turns up to claim her new home, Jena finds out exactly why you shouldn't 'one-click' houses while falling-down drunk. It was a dump. With no money, and no skills outside of shaking her booty, Jena does the only thing she can do—she throws herself into the biggest DIY project the Highlands have ever seen. 

Since Jena’s arrival in town, Officer Matt Donaldson’s workload has tripled. The woman is a menace, gorgeous yes, but definitely a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Her only discernible skill seems to be causing chaos wherever she goes. She attracts trouble like honey attracts bears. Which is why Matt isn't surprised when her ex-boyfriend turns out to be a member of the New Jersey mob. Although Jena’s ex has come to Scotland to win her back, she wants nothing to do with him—a reaction the mobster does not take well. Overnight, Matt’s job morphs from hunting missing cats and breaking up fights at the old folk’s home, to chasing down the mob and keeping Jena alive. And he has to do it all while remaining professional enough to keep his hands off his sexy, but crazy, American charge. 

I hope you enjoy it! 

Saturday, 2 May 2015

I live in an accidental petting zoo

This post could also be titled - "Janet Elizabeth Henderson, the world's biggest soft touch."
It's mother's day in New Zealand tomorrow and my family got me three alpaca. Yep, you read that right! Here they are:



Like all of our animals, they were unwanted by their previous owners.
We never set out to own so many pets. It just kind of happened. Word spread - the Henderson family will take anything with a cute face and a cuddly coat!

Our two miniature horses were rescued from a woman who was abusing them, working them far too hard with very little food. Now they roam our hill, hang out in the garden and live off carrots and cuddles.

My pet sheep was a rescue at birth - her muma sheep didn't want her. I kept her in my living room to make it easier to feed her during the night and dressed her in a little pink jumper.

The goat somehow came home with my husband when he went to buy chickens. Still not sure what happened there.

The chickens are a mixture of birds we actually, willingly bought, supplemented by those we rescued when they were unwanted.They now all live together in the lap of luxury at our place. 


The cats are a combination of strays who just moved in with us, and ones people left with us 'for a short while' (three years and counting!)


The dog we picked up at the pound. We foolishly took the one they didn't think they could house because she was hyperactive and great at escaping. Then we spent the first two years we had her chasing her all over the neighbourhood.


We were conned into taking the ducks by a deceptively innocent looking old woman.


And the cow used to belong to the neighbour, but decided it liked us better.


I even tried to talk my husband into getting an elephant at one point. There was a story about one in the local paper. It was ex-circus and looking for a new home for its retirement. Fortunately, someone with a lot more sense stepped in and took her on. Pity though, I would have enjoyed cuddling an elephant...

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

quotes for writers

For all the writers out there who need some encouragment - or a kick up the bum! :D






























Now, quit playing with the internet and get back to your writing! :D